Reflecting back on 2018.

The year 2018 is probably the worst and best year for my family.  In January, I was able to beg my way to getting our first pet (as a couple), Chewie.  A handsome brown miniature schnauzer, named after the lovable Chewbacca from Star Wars.  To be fair, we didn't pick his name.  We let him pick it himself.

Chewie is short for Chewbacca.

His previous owners decided not to keep him after a month of staying with them, because their son seems to have allergic reactions to him.  Not prepared with his arrival, we did not have anything for him -- no leash, collar, kennel, bed.  It was like not knowing you were pregnant, and then having a baby.  It was a weird day for both my husband and I, but Chewie became our little boy.

Not expecting the addition of a pet, we had actually booked a vacation to Japan!  So, knowing that there will be individuals that could help take care of our little Chewie, we packed our bags in May and traveled to Japan for almost 3 weeks.  We visited Tokyo, Hiroshima and Osaka.  For that trip, I will be posting a different blog.

On a side note, at this point (Japan trip) my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about a year.  We weren't having a lot of luck, and it made me hopeless.  The trip was meant to get us back on track and really get us closer together.  Much like how Chewie has taught us to make decisions together and to problem solve together.  During our trip to Japan, all I prayed and wished in temples was to be blessed with a baby.  I got a charm for it.  I wished for it multiple times.  Alas, the later leg of the trip confirmed that I was not pregnant (not for the lack of trying).

Coming back from Japan, my husband and I decided to get another pup that would accompany our Chewie.  So, in June 2018, we got our little boy, Han Solo.  He didn't pick his name, because themed names are awesome.  He is a white schnauzer with a very feisty personality.  

Han and Chewie

At this point, I was meeting regularly with my doctor.  She had ordered a HSG, which really meant that a doctor would clear out any blockage of my Fallopian tubes and diagnose any problems that I may have that would affect my fertility and our chances of having a baby.  I finally got scheduled in July after months of trying to call and schedule myself for the procedure.  Procedure went well, had a bit of pain and some bleeding, but felt okay after a couple of days.  I was then scheduled for a follow-up appointment.

During that appointment, which I took with my husband, we were told that I had PCOS.  I had nightmares about this moment and one of the things that I feared was I had PCOS, and that it would be near impossible for me to have a baby.  The doctor explained that it is going to be hard to have a baby with PCOS, and there are associated risks in pregnancy.  She also recommended that I take some medication and that if we wanted to, we can be referred to Heartland (which is the fertility clinic located in Winnipeg, Manitoba).  We took her advise, got the medication and asked for the referral, which included a series of more tests that we had to take on top of what we have already done so far.

As the days progressed, I kept on asking my husband whether or not we should separate so that he could have an opportunity to have kids.  I knew he wanted to have his own kids, and I felt like I was taking that away from him.  I was the one with the problem.  The more that we didn't talk about it, the more I felt helpless and the more my anxiety and depression took over my life.  My husband was really sweet, he would often tell me that it would be okay not to have kids.  That we'll have more money to travel and just be the cool aunt and uncle.  I knew he something else and he was just trying to make me feel better.  It was a nagging feeling that I could not shake off, but I tried my best to reflect and just make me feel better by concentrating on the boys and our life.  Planning a trip to LA and then all over the UK.  Almost forgot that we even tried having kids in the first place.

Our second anniversary was fast approaching, so I decided to book a nice cabin in Belair, Manitoba (yes, it exists).  Nice big place that had a hot tub, a fire pit, and four bedrooms just for us and our boys.  On the Friday we were supposed to leave, I booked off the afternoon to help our friends move out of the building and into a house!  I should also mention that I took a pregnancy test on the Wednesday before and it turned out negative, but my app says to test again in 2 days.  I forgot to Friday morning.  Go figure.  So, I went ahead and helped them move.  My husband eventually joined us early evening.  All the while, I was thinking (while carrying heavy items) that I should probably take a test.  I texted my husband about it and asked him to join us as soon as possible.

Early evening, we packed our stuff quickly and took the boys and we drove to Belair.  It was about an hour and a half or so before we got to our destination.  We settled down.  Had a bottle of wine and slept until the next day.  We were letting the boys out without a leash (it's the country side) and they seemed to love the freedom.  We were still supervising to make sure they don't run to the road.  We played board games, talked, roasted marshmallows, went to the hot tub, and just enjoyed each other's company.  It felt so good.  Life was good.  

Sunday morning, my husband took the boys out to go their business.  It was our last day and it was a very rainy morning (too bad because we wanted the boys to run around some more).  I finally remember to take the test (we bought it right before we went our way to Belair).  I was expecting it to be negative.  It was for the longest time and I was supposed to meet with my doctor for another prescription.  To my utter astonishment and disbelief, there it was.  The line that I've been looking for... the plus sign.  Still frozen and doubtful, it looked faded and so I didn't believe it.  I had to read the instructions over and over again until I believed that it was real.

In a rush, I picked it up.  Tried to stage it.  Finally decided to put it behind the bag of dog food that we had and picked up my camera (as if to record a video of our experience, which is something that I've done before).  I asked my husband to feed the dogs and get them excited.  I then asked him to pick up the bag of dog food so that I could put it away.  He literally looked at the test in passing.  Afterwards, he told me that he thought it was negative and he was wondering why I would put something that I peed on on the counter.  We still, to this day, laugh about his reaction.

We were finally getting a chance to be PARENTS!  I cried in his arms.  I couldn't believe it.  I was speechless.  I felt good and excited.  This is what we've been waiting for!

We went home and just enjoyed the moment.

After a month or so, I started showing.  We told my husband's mom first.  She cried.  Then we told his dad and his other mom (bonus mom as she calls herself).  They were excited.  We told his bonus dad, and he was excited.  We finally told my mom (my dad was away on a hunting trip, planned last minute).  Her reaction was funny.  She didn't believe at first and looked so mad, but she finally started smiling and became really excited.  We're still in the process of telling our whole family that we're having a baby.  The baby is doing well and everything is doing well (so much that I start to get scared sometimes).

So, when I say that 2018 is probably the best and worst year for us... I really do mean it.  It was full of ups and downs, and the fact that we are now going to be a family of one child (so far) and two dogs is so wonderful to me.  I still can't believe how much one year can change us.

I look forward to more years.